Putting yourself first: how to stop people pleasing
Let's explore the important practice of putting yourself first and overcoming the tendency to always say 'yes' at the expense of your own well-being.
Understanding the roots of people-pleasing is crucial. Often, it comes from a place of seeking validation, fearing rejection, or wanting to constantly fulfill others' expectations. Acknowledge these reasons with compassion, recognizing that your worth isn’t defined by meeting everyone else's needs.
Setting boundaries and learning to say 'no' graciously is a crucial skill in prioritizing your mental and emotional health. It might feel uncomfortable initially, but asserting your boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Prioritizing yourself doesn't mean neglecting others. It's about finding a balance where you're not sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone around you.
1. Establish Boundaries: Recognize your limits and communicate them respectfully to others. Learn to say 'no' without guilt when something doesn't align with your priorities or values. You may need to state your boundaries repeatedly at first, especially in relationships with people who are used to you having no boundaries. Don’t be surprised if you’re met with defensiveness at first. Practice holding the line.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Dedicate time daily for activities that rejuvenate you—whether it's meditation, exercise, reading, or simply a quiet walk. Create a self-care routine that includes activities that nourish your mind and body practice it everyday.
3. Identify Your Needs and Wants: Reflect on your own needs and desires without feeling selfish or apologetic about them. Write them down and then honor your needs by allocating time and resources to fulfill them.
4. Practice Assertiveness: Work on expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions openly and respectfully. Being clear and direct can help in advocating for yourself and expressing your needs without feeling guilty.
5. Learn to Delegate: Understand that it's okay to ask for help or delegate tasks when feeling overwhelmed. You don’t have to juggle everything, even though you CAN. Asking for help is a great way for people to show up for you. You might be surprised to learn how willing people are to pitch in.
6. Develop Self-Awareness: Pay attention to your emotions, triggers, and reactions in different situations. Reflection helps in understanding why you engage in people-pleasing behaviors and enables you to address them.
7. Seek Support and Guidance: Consider seeking help from a therapist or support group to help you figure out where these behaviors began. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect your boundaries and encourage your self-care journey.
8. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes or encounter setbacks. Practicing self-compassion can help in overcoming the urge to constantly please others.
9. Reflect and Review Regularly: Take time periodically to reflect on your progress and reassess your priorities. Regularly reviewing your boundaries and habits helps in maintaining a healthy balance between your needs and others' expectations.
By implementing these practices and strategies, you can gradually shift towards putting yourself first and nurturing a healthier relationship with yourself and others. Please be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this path toward prioritizing your well-being.
